938 英翻中 (638) FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND NEIGHBORS. 家庭, 朋友, 和隣社. 12/18/2024
CHAPTER EIGHT FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND NEIGHBORS In 1937, the number one fiction bestseller in the United States was Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind. The number one nonfiction title was Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, and since then, millions of copies have been sold around the world. Why? Because just about everybody has “people problems” and wants to know how to solve them. Getting along with other people is an important part of life. The book of Proverbs is the best manual you’ll find on people skills, because it was given to us by the God who made us, the God who can teach us what we need to know about human relationships, whether it’s marriage, the family, the neighborhood, the job, or our wider circle of friends and acquaintances. If we learn and practice God’s wisdom as presented in Proverbs, we’ll find ourselves improving in people skills and enjoying life much more.
1. Husbands and Wives According to Scripture, God established three human institutions in the world: marriage and the home (Gen. 2:18–25), human government (Gen. 9:1–6; Rom. 13), and the local church (Acts 2); of the three, the basic institution is the home. As goes the home, so go the church and the nation. The biblical views of marriage and the family have been so attacked and ridiculed in modern society that it does us good to review what the Creator of the home has to say about His wonderful gift of marriage. Marriage. King Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines (1 Kings 11:3), and in so doing he disobeyed God’s law—by multiplying wives (Deut. 17:17), and by taking these wives from pagan nations that didn’t worship Jehovah, the true and Living God (Ex. 34:16; Deut. 7:1–3). Eventually, these women won Solomon over to their gods, and the Lord had to discipline Solomon for his sins (1 Kings 11:4ff.). In contrast to this, the book of Proverbs magnifies the kind of marriage that God first established in Eden: one man married to one woman for one lifetime (Gen. 2:18–25; Matt. 19:19).1 The husband is to love his wife and be faithful to her (Prov. 5). The wife is not to forsake her husband and seek her love elsewhere (2:17). They are to enjoy one another and grow in their love for each other and for the Lord. In ancient days, marriages were arranged by the parents. Our modern “system” of two people falling in love and getting married would be foreign to their thinking and their culture. In that day, a man and woman got married and then learned to love each other; they expected to stay together for life. Today, a man and woman learn to love each other, then they get married, and everybody hopes they’ll stay together long enough to raise the children. The husband. A man can inherit houses and lands, but “a prudent wife is from the Lord” (19:14 niv).2 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (18:22 nkjv). Blessed is that marriage in which the husband acknowledges God’s goodness to him in giving him his wife! When a husband takes her for granted, he grieves both her and the Lord. He should love her and be loyal to her all the days of his life. The book of Proverbs places on the husband the responsibility of guiding the home according to the wisdom of God, but as we shall see in chapter 31, the wife also plays an important part. Where two people love the Lord and love each other, God can guide and bless them. It’s not a “fifty-fifty” arrangement, because “two become one.” Rather, it’s a 100-percent devotion to each other and to the Lord. The wife. Every wife will either build the home or tear it down (14:1). If she walks with the Lord, she will be a builder; if she disobeys God’s wisdom, she will be a destroyer. She must be faithful to her husband, for “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones” (12:4 niv). A crown or a cancer: What a choice! And beauty isn’t the only thing he should look for; it’s also important that a wife have wisdom and discretion (11:22). Husbands occasionally create problems for their wives, but Solomon doesn’t mention any of them. However, he does name some of the problems a wife might create for her husband. “The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping” (19:13). A wife who quarrels constantly creates the kind of atmosphere in a home that would tempt her husband to look for attention elsewhere. “Better to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (21:9 niv; see 21:19; 25:24; 27:15–16). But let’s be fair and admit that the situation might be reversed and the husband be the culprit. God hates family discord (6:19), and we should do everything we can to practice in the home the kind of love that produces unity and harmony. The finest description of the ideal wife is found in 31:10–31. This poem is an acrostic with the initial words of the twenty-two verses all beginning with successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet (see Ps. 119). This acrostic form was a device to help people commit the passage to memory. Perhaps Jewish parents instructed their sons and daughters to memorize this poem and use it as a guide for their lives and in their homes. What kind of wife is described here? First of all, she is a woman of character (Prov. 31:10–12). Just as wisdom is more important than wealth (3:15), so character is more important than jewels. Peter gave this same counsel to Christian wives in his day (1 Peter 3:1–6). Marriage doesn’t change a person’s character. If there are character weaknesses in either the husband or the wife, marriage will only reveal and accentuate them. A husband or wife who hopes to change his or her spouse after the honeymoon is destined for disappointment. If the husband and wife trust each other, there will be harmony in the home. Her husband has no fears or suspicions as she is busy about her work, because he knows she has character and will do nothing but good for him and their children. If brides and grooms take seriously the vows of love and loyalty they repeat to each other and to God at the altar, they will have a wall of confidence around their marriage that will keep out every enemy. She’s a woman who isn’t afraid to work (Prov. 31:13–22, 24). Whether it’s going to the market for food (vv. 14–15), buying real estate (v. 16a), or planting a vineyard (v. 16b), she’s up early and busy with her chores. You get the impression that the night before she makes a list of “things to do” and doesn’t waste a minute in idleness. “She sets about her work vigorously” (v. 17 niv), whether spinning thread, helping the poor, or providing a wardrobe for her children. She prepares the very best for her family, and they have no reason to be ashamed. She is a generous person (v. 20). As she ministers to her family, she keeps her eyes open for people who have needs, and she does what she can to help them. Happiness comes to those who have mercy on the poor (14:21), and nothing given to the Lord for them will ever be lost (19:17). This wife makes it easy for her husband to do his work (v. 23). The city gate was the place where civic business was transacted, so her husband was one of the elders in the community (Ruth 4). While no such restrictions exist today, it would have been unthinkable in that day for a woman to sit on the “city council.” But this loyal wife didn’t want to take his place; she just did her work and made it easier for him to do his. A husband and wife should complement each other as they each seek to fulfill their roles in the will of God. Wise is that husband who recognizes his wife’s strengths and lets her compensate for his weaknesses. Doing this isn’t a sign of personal failure, nor is it rebellion against the divine order (1 Cor. 11:3). Both leadership and submission in a home are evidences of love and obedience, and the one doesn’t nullify the other. She is confident as she faces the future (Prov. 31:25). In the Bible, to be “clothed” with something means that it is a part of your life and reveals itself in your character and conduct. (See 1 Tim. 2:9–10; Col. 3:8–14.) This wife can laugh at future problems and troubles because she has strength of character and she’s prepared for emergencies. She is a woman of faith who knows that God is with her and her family. This wife is a capable teacher of wisdom (Prov. 31:26). She certainly teaches her children the wisdom of God, especially the daughters, preparing them for the time when they will have homes of their own. But it’s likely that she also shares her insights with her husband, and he’s wise enough to listen. Remember that earlier in the book, Solomon used a beautiful woman to personify wisdom; this godly wife does the same. She is an attentive overseer of the household (v. 27). She isn’t idle, and nothing in the household escapes her notice, whether it’s food, finances, clothing, or school lessons. Managing the household is an exacting job, and she does her work faithfully day and night. Any husband and father who thinks that his wife “has it easy” should take her responsibilities for a week or two and discover how wrong he is! She’s a woman worthy of praise (vv. 28–29). It’s a wonderful thing when husband and children can praise wife and mother for her faithful ministry in the home. The suggestion here is that this praise was expressed regularly and spontaneously and not just on special occasions. (They didn’t have Mother’s Day in Israel. Every day should be Mother’s Day and Father’s Day!) It’s tragic when the members of a family take each other for granted and fail to show sincere appreciation. The father ought to set the example for the children and always thank his wife for what she does for the family. He should see in her the woman who surpasses them all! The secret of her life is that she fears the Lord (v. 30). It’s wonderful if a wife has charm and beauty; the possession of these qualities is not a sin. But the woman who walks with the Lord and seeks to please Him has a beauty that never fades (1 Peter 3:1–6). The man who has a wife who daily reads the Word, meditates, prays, and seeks to obey God’s will has a treasure that is indeed beyond the price of rubies. Finally, her life is a testimony to others (Prov. 31:31). Her husband and children acknowledge her value and praise her, but so do the other people in the community. Even the leaders in the city gate recognize her good works and honor her. “A kindhearted woman gains respect” (11:16 niv). God sees to it that the woman who faithfully serves Him and her family is properly honored, and certainly she will have even greater honor when she stands before her Lord. This beautiful tribute to the godly wife and mother tells every Christian woman what she can become if she follows the Lord. It also describes for every Christian man the kind of wife for whom he ought to be looking and praying. But it also reminds the prospective husband that he’d better be walking with the Lord and growing in his spiritual life so that he will be worthy of such a wife if and when God brings her to him.
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